The Fuckuterie Board

Think charcuterie… but with way more attitude. This ain't your grandma's cheese tray. It's the ultimate snack spread for those who prefer their meats cured, their cheeses bold, and their parties just a little bit inappropriate. Perfect for game nights, girl’s nights, or flipping off adulting entirely. Warning: May cause snack envy and excessive laughter. Pair with wine, beer, or bad decisions. This totally useful board measures 18" wide by 8" tall. 

Care Instructions:
Every wood charcuterie board and coaster we create is made from real, natural wood such as Acacia,  Bamboo, olivewood, rubber wood etc.  This means each piece is completely unique. You may notice knots, grain variations, or small imperfections. These aren’t flaws—they’re part of what makes your board one-of-a-kind!

Because of these natural variations, engraving may look slightly different from board to board. Some areas might engrave a bit lighter or darker depending on the wood’s grain pattern.

We embrace this organic beauty, and we hope you do too—it’s all part of the charm of owning something truly handmade and heartfelt.

To properly clean our wood charcuterie board, wash it with warm, soapy water, rinse thoroughly, and dry immediately with a clean towel, avoiding soaking or air drying. We also recommend applying a thin layer of food-grade mineral oil to the board every few uses to help keep it hydrated and prevent cracking. Conditioning with food-grade mineral oil helps to keep the wood hydrated, prevents it from drying out and cracking, and creates a barrier against bacteria and food particles. 

Use food-grade mineral oil, which is tasteless, odorless, and safe for food contact. 

• How to oil?

Apply a generous amount of oil to the board's surface, rub it in with a soft cloth, and let it soak in overnight. 

• Other tips:

• Avoid using cooking oils like olive oil or vegetable oil, as they can go rancid. 

• Make sure the board is thoroughly dry before applying oil. 

• Wipe off any excess oil the next day. 

• You can also use a mineral oil and beeswax blend for conditioning. 

• If your board is looking a little drab, you can season it with food-grade mineral oil.